As a teen I always pictured my life that after high school I'd go study something and meet my Mr Darcy, get married and become a stay-home-mum.
Well, that didn't really work out as I planned.
I became a sworn old maid.
Lately, as all my friends and family seems to be coupling up I've been starting to think whether to shrivel up my whole life while living with my parents until they die is such a good idea.
And yes, I'd like to meet someone who actually likes me.
So at my night prayer I mentioned this to God.
Also stating that whatever his will is, whether I end up old maid or marry someone.
After some days, I'm at work, finally having my lunch break in the personnel break room, and in walks a driver that delivers our frozen goods. He starts off by asking if he can take some pastry to go with from the table. Then he continues with asking am I the mistress of my boss and after establishing a few facts out in the open he finds out I'm single and he's dumbstruck.
There I am eating my food and he keeps on ogling me as if something strange.
Well, I know I'm a bit odd and off the average, but still when he was dragging on and on and didn't go away it started to be odd. Finally he closes the door a bit so that my boss, my brother, doesn't hear him, he tells me that he can't go away without telling me how pulchritudinous I am. (The exact word would be "vetävä").
Knowing that I'm big and odd and not that attuned to men's compliments the moment passes somehow and finally he leaves. I go back to work, giggling and wondering what the fuck just happened.
Afterwards, of all day pondering, the moment turns into couple of questions.
Was this my prayer response?
And if it was, am I supposed to jump at the chance and marry him?
Or was it just a reminder that I'm not that bad looking and I have a chance if I just take it?
Or was he just plain horny?
After analyzing his phrase above, I'm kinda leaning on to the horny part.....
But still.
Is it God's will that I take up this guy, go out with him, decide to marry and raise family?
Or is it just an option that he is showing me?
Do I have a choice in the matter?
Of course we have our free will, but since we don't know who is leading us and when, how do we know what is God's wish and what isn't?
We can choose to take the offerings that we are shown, but we can also decline from it.
But what if there won't be a second chance?
What if we are given only one choice and we blow it up just because the guy is jerk and not that good looking?
2 kommenttia:
I think having full responsibility of our actions means that we are given enough time to make decisions. When God wants us to do something very special and very vital He will make His statement clear. Especially when we have living relationship with Him.
A longer reply is found in my blog.
Rebekka vietiin vieraaseen maahan Iisakin vaimoksi hyvin pienellä varoitusajalla, mutta hän antoi asiaan oman suostumuksensa. Mahtoiko hän myöhemmin milloinkaan katua tuota nopeaa valintaansa? Iisakin ja Rebekan perheonni ei kuitenkaan vaikuta kovin kukoistavalta; Rebekka suosi Jaakobia ja Iisak Eesauta. Asian hoitanut Abrahamin palvelija rukoili hartaasti oman tehtävänsä onnistumisen puolesta... Asioita kannattaa punnita ajan kanssa!!!!
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